The show begins with an in-depth discussion of various unsavory terminologies, and the discovery that marijuana is illegal everywhere, not just in Chick fil-a (although we all know its founder has a personal stash hidden somewhere.) Also, much to Mehran’s surprise, Dean is a vegetarian! But according to the comic, Dean can’t be a vegan, because he has a bird.
Together the group analyzes what elements are necessary in order to make a word bad – what separates ungodly smuttiness and foul language from the rest of the English language? Is it intention, or is it perception? Take the term “fag hag” for example. For Mehran, this characterizes the epitome of misogyny; it implies that a woman is desperate. But then what about “hack hag”? A term that applies to ladyfolk who associate with flannel wearing talented computer nerds; yes, well, if the shoe fits… But this deviation from the meat of the episode leads us back to the beginning. In effort to restore typical Big Sauce balance, someone must be singled out, picked apart, analyzed to the core – there’s usually only one option:
So the real question is asked: what is it really that the Biggie is afraid of? Geckos? Certainly not. Female primitive sexual desire? This one is still up for debate. No, the issue isn’t what Dean used to be afraid of – it’s about something brand new, a topic so unnerving that for some men it happens to be the stuff of nightmares. In all honesty, we could be talking about black and white faces, gasoline drinking, paint huffing, lovers of violence known as Juggalos – worshippers of Insane Clown Posse and otherwise truly frightening individuals; but we’re not. What we’re referring to is a decadent variety of sexual pleasure that so few have experienced, but according to the sage Mehran, everybody should. To quote the great Michael Ondaatje in his stunning work the English Patient: “We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden as if caves.”
So, Mehran says to Dean, “Taste as much as you can… Taste Everything!”
At the end of this dazzling episode, we are left with several unmatched words of wisdom: (1) never underestimate the erotic potential of Avians, (2) the sharing of certain bodily functions is only acceptable among lifelong friends, (3) always remember to cover the box, (4) if someone offers to show you their Barking Spider, as appealing as it may sound, politely decline.
And contrary to popular belief, Mehran didn’t die in the scene. He’s having his big comeback on September 29th for the Duplessey Fundraiser. You don’t want to miss it.
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– Joey Phoenix is a Boston based freelance wordsmith who delights in the defiantly unorthodox.